Rejoicing in His Sovereignty

John Piper: Real Choice, Divine Sway, and theWay Paul Lived
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/real-choice-divine-sway-and-the-way-paul-lived

It is almost 5am and I have been up for a couple hours already. My sweet husband called from overseas around 3:30am.  I woke up with a headache, so while I was on the phone I took some excedrine... hence why I am still up and my brain is running nonstop! I had a feeling the caffeine would keep me up, but I couldn't handle the headache any longer.

As I got off the phone, I decided I would read some sermons/blogs from John Piper @ Desiringgod.org ... I was just unloading to my husband about how blah I have been feeling spiritually. I know feelings aren't everything, and obedience is still a priority despite being in a pit or mountain top. But gosh, it sure is nice to feel that passion for the Lord. So, I thought it would be nice to read and renew my mind with some sermons that always point me to the Lord through His Word. It sure has been a long year, but I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Praise the Lord. I can already feel the darkness lifting.

So that is how I ended up at this blog post of Piper's... how refreshing and how wonderfully he examines the balance of God's sovereignty/Divine sway and our human responsibility.

I definitely think this was timely and my heart is so thankful today. This is exactly what I needed. Just to explain, I was raised in a performance based home. I greatly appreciate all my parents did for me, but I know that I have some "anti-Bible intellectual baggage inherited from planet earth" as Piper so rightly defines it. I am encouraged this morning to seek the Lord and ask Him to remove that from my mind and help me to clearly see Him. I struggle with guilt when I don't do exactly what I think I should do on any given day. All too often I pull away from the Lord in sin instead of run back to Him. Oh, how desperate I am and in need of His Spirit.  When I am left to myself, I run from Him and continue in my sin instead of returning to Him in genuine repentence. It is a vicious cycle. These verses are so encouraging to me today... It was finished on the cross. He is the One who works within me. He has already accomplished for me what I couldn't do on my own... Paul puts it perfectly

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Philippians 3:12

 Thank you Lord, for humbly coming to earth for our sake. You knew that the only way to restore our relationship to You was to come and atone for our sin. Thank You for enduring all you had to endure to accomplish Your work on the cross. I have full confidence that because of what You did, my future is secure.  Thank You that we know that You live and intercede on our behalf. I sure do feel that today as I sit here being refreshed by Your Spirit.

How sweet it is to feel the warmth of the Son

I can't tell you how exciting it has been to feel the warmth of the sun the past few weeks. I am not usually this enthusiastic about summer time and the triple digit Oklahoma temperatures setting in, but this year is completely different. The last time I saw summer was when I said goodbye to my sweet husband for his tour of duty overseas. And as summer ended last year, I knew that the next time I would feel the hot Oklahoma triple digit temperatures on my skin my hubby would soon be on his way home. 

I've spent this past year more in tune with the changing of the seasons than I can recall in years past. As fall, winter, and spring each came and went, there was an anticipation that filled my heart that is hard to explain. 

I have made lots of memories this year that I will always cherish. This season, even though not one I would've chosen for myself, has still been a sweet one. The Lord has filled my year to the brim with so many experiences and opportunities with family and friends. He has totally spoiled me!! Did I mention I got to spend 10 weeks in Hawaii this year!?! :)

A few things stick out in each season as I am reflecting on this year... First of all, I got to spend some time in Hawaii with my older sister Sarah this past fall. We got to spend so much time together and it definitely helped kick off the year. Fall ended with a great time in St. Louis with my family for Thanksgiving.  This winter, I got to spend two weeks over Christmas with my mom in Tulsa. It was a fun and intimate time with mom, Jon and Laura.... and it was topped off with the announcement of our much anticipated first grandbaby! Laura and Jon are expecting and due this August. Spring came quickly and most of my memories involve spending another 5 weeks in Hawaii :) I spent the first 2 weeks with my mom and Sarah. We had a great time and will always remember our wonderful trip to Kauai (tsunami scare and all)! After that, Patrick and I were so blessed to reconnect in Hawaii for 15 days! We had an amazing time and couldn't have asked for a better way to spend our R&R. The rest of the spring was filled with painting the kitchen cabinets, a trip to NC and NY to celebrate my sister in law's West Point Graduation, and then a lovely trip to Midland, TX to spend some time with my old college roomie Dawn! 

As I am reflecting back, the title of this blog is seeming more and more appropriate. This year has been a year when I have seen the absolute goodness of the Lord. I have felt the warmth of His presence, the Son. He has sustained me... Even despite my wandering, my sin, and the times when I just wanted to shut down because it seemed easier than dealing with the present struggles. I cannot take any credit for anything this past year. Anything good anyone has seen in me has been because of my Risen Savior who has been merciful and gracious to sustain me through such a difficult year. I have seen His sovereignty in my life, along with His intimate presence, in a deeper way than ever before. Now that summer is here, and my sweet hubby will soon be returning, I am spending these final days in this "season" basking in the Son and soaking up the warmth of His presence.

I owe it all to You Jesus. Not only have You rescued me from the domain of darkness and transferred me into Your Kingdom of Light, but You have never loosened Your grip on me. And You have continued this work You began in me. I am so thankful Lord, for your enduring love, that has kept me and that has kept Patrick, through it all.  Jesus, I love You with every ounce of my being. 

"And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17