Rejoicing in His Sovereignty

John Piper: Real Choice, Divine Sway, and theWay Paul Lived
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/real-choice-divine-sway-and-the-way-paul-lived

It is almost 5am and I have been up for a couple hours already. My sweet husband called from overseas around 3:30am.  I woke up with a headache, so while I was on the phone I took some excedrine... hence why I am still up and my brain is running nonstop! I had a feeling the caffeine would keep me up, but I couldn't handle the headache any longer.

As I got off the phone, I decided I would read some sermons/blogs from John Piper @ Desiringgod.org ... I was just unloading to my husband about how blah I have been feeling spiritually. I know feelings aren't everything, and obedience is still a priority despite being in a pit or mountain top. But gosh, it sure is nice to feel that passion for the Lord. So, I thought it would be nice to read and renew my mind with some sermons that always point me to the Lord through His Word. It sure has been a long year, but I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Praise the Lord. I can already feel the darkness lifting.

So that is how I ended up at this blog post of Piper's... how refreshing and how wonderfully he examines the balance of God's sovereignty/Divine sway and our human responsibility.

I definitely think this was timely and my heart is so thankful today. This is exactly what I needed. Just to explain, I was raised in a performance based home. I greatly appreciate all my parents did for me, but I know that I have some "anti-Bible intellectual baggage inherited from planet earth" as Piper so rightly defines it. I am encouraged this morning to seek the Lord and ask Him to remove that from my mind and help me to clearly see Him. I struggle with guilt when I don't do exactly what I think I should do on any given day. All too often I pull away from the Lord in sin instead of run back to Him. Oh, how desperate I am and in need of His Spirit.  When I am left to myself, I run from Him and continue in my sin instead of returning to Him in genuine repentence. It is a vicious cycle. These verses are so encouraging to me today... It was finished on the cross. He is the One who works within me. He has already accomplished for me what I couldn't do on my own... Paul puts it perfectly

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." Philippians 3:12

 Thank you Lord, for humbly coming to earth for our sake. You knew that the only way to restore our relationship to You was to come and atone for our sin. Thank You for enduring all you had to endure to accomplish Your work on the cross. I have full confidence that because of what You did, my future is secure.  Thank You that we know that You live and intercede on our behalf. I sure do feel that today as I sit here being refreshed by Your Spirit.

How sweet it is to feel the warmth of the Son

I can't tell you how exciting it has been to feel the warmth of the sun the past few weeks. I am not usually this enthusiastic about summer time and the triple digit Oklahoma temperatures setting in, but this year is completely different. The last time I saw summer was when I said goodbye to my sweet husband for his tour of duty overseas. And as summer ended last year, I knew that the next time I would feel the hot Oklahoma triple digit temperatures on my skin my hubby would soon be on his way home. 

I've spent this past year more in tune with the changing of the seasons than I can recall in years past. As fall, winter, and spring each came and went, there was an anticipation that filled my heart that is hard to explain. 

I have made lots of memories this year that I will always cherish. This season, even though not one I would've chosen for myself, has still been a sweet one. The Lord has filled my year to the brim with so many experiences and opportunities with family and friends. He has totally spoiled me!! Did I mention I got to spend 10 weeks in Hawaii this year!?! :)

A few things stick out in each season as I am reflecting on this year... First of all, I got to spend some time in Hawaii with my older sister Sarah this past fall. We got to spend so much time together and it definitely helped kick off the year. Fall ended with a great time in St. Louis with my family for Thanksgiving.  This winter, I got to spend two weeks over Christmas with my mom in Tulsa. It was a fun and intimate time with mom, Jon and Laura.... and it was topped off with the announcement of our much anticipated first grandbaby! Laura and Jon are expecting and due this August. Spring came quickly and most of my memories involve spending another 5 weeks in Hawaii :) I spent the first 2 weeks with my mom and Sarah. We had a great time and will always remember our wonderful trip to Kauai (tsunami scare and all)! After that, Patrick and I were so blessed to reconnect in Hawaii for 15 days! We had an amazing time and couldn't have asked for a better way to spend our R&R. The rest of the spring was filled with painting the kitchen cabinets, a trip to NC and NY to celebrate my sister in law's West Point Graduation, and then a lovely trip to Midland, TX to spend some time with my old college roomie Dawn! 

As I am reflecting back, the title of this blog is seeming more and more appropriate. This year has been a year when I have seen the absolute goodness of the Lord. I have felt the warmth of His presence, the Son. He has sustained me... Even despite my wandering, my sin, and the times when I just wanted to shut down because it seemed easier than dealing with the present struggles. I cannot take any credit for anything this past year. Anything good anyone has seen in me has been because of my Risen Savior who has been merciful and gracious to sustain me through such a difficult year. I have seen His sovereignty in my life, along with His intimate presence, in a deeper way than ever before. Now that summer is here, and my sweet hubby will soon be returning, I am spending these final days in this "season" basking in the Son and soaking up the warmth of His presence.

I owe it all to You Jesus. Not only have You rescued me from the domain of darkness and transferred me into Your Kingdom of Light, but You have never loosened Your grip on me. And You have continued this work You began in me. I am so thankful Lord, for your enduring love, that has kept me and that has kept Patrick, through it all.  Jesus, I love You with every ounce of my being. 

"And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

Beginning at the end of myself

My inspiration for the title of this post comes from a Chapter in the book Radical (by David Platt) that I read through last night with some friends. Chapter 3: The Importance of Relying of God's Power. Just a few things that stuck out to me (and were still on my mind this morning, as I was still mulling over them)...

"The question for us, then, is whether we trust in his power. And the problem for us is that in our culture we are tempted at every turn to trust in our power instead. So the challenge for us is to live in such a way that we are radically dependent on and desperate for the power that only God can provide."

"God actually delights in our inability. He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him. In the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined. And in the end, He makes much of His own name."

"For the people of God who long to see his power at work and who live to see his purposes accomplished, He will give us absolutely everything we need according to His very presence alive in us."

"Instead of asserting ourselves, we crucify ourselves. Instead of imagining all the things we can accomplish, we ask God to do what only he can accomplish... Instead of dependence on ourselves, we express radical desperation for the power of His Spirit, and we trust that Jesus stands ready to give us everything we ask for so that He might make much of our Father in the world."

Today, I spent some time in Ephesians 3 (what we are studying in Sunday School this week) and meditated on these few verses:

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith..."

This lead me to pray today for myself, my husband, my friends... That Jesus would strengthen us with power through His Spirit in our inner being. To me, this went perfectly with the thoughts still fresh in my mind from the book Radical.

Then this afternoon I went to our local pregnancy center for my weekly Tuesday afternoon volunteer shift. When I walked in, a few of the other volunteers were gathering up to spend some time praying before we jumped into ministry. I just love these sweet ladies and our times of fellowship together as we minister side by side to women every week. As I was praying, the Lord just really pressed it on my heart to pray for His power, for His spirit to work today. And specifically, I prayed that He would move in such a way today that it would be obvious it was Him, and not us. I asked Him to send us other ladies in the area today and direct their steps to us (the schedule was a little bare for my afternoon shift). I prayed, I asked and I waited. But I didn't have to wait very long. Shortly after my shift started, we got multiple walk in clients (who didn't have appointments, just walked in off the street). The quiet office I walked into this afternoon was now bustling with people in and out. I knew it was God. He was sending these women to us, just like I had asked.


When the office manager got back from lunch, she informed me that one of my previous clients (who was still undecided whether or not she would carry her baby) was back in today for another ultrasound. I saw this client around 3 weeks ago. She was very overwhelmed that day. I still remember it clearly. I shared the Gospel with her. She said she understood it, but was too overwhelmed with life right now to make a decision. I encouraged her to think seriously about the things we discussed that day. I assured her it was worth her time (even though she claimed to be too overwhelmed with the craziness of her life) reminding her that when we are not in a right relationship with Jesus, our lives will be full of chaos. I still remember that day, praying that she would go home and seriously consider these eternal things we discussed.

And today, she was back. By this time she had already had 2 ultrasounds, putting her at around 8 weeks today. When our office manager had called yesterday to check in on her, my client was in tears. She asked when she could be seen and they squeezed her in today. We did not know what was going on, but that she was very highly considering abortion.

As I sat down with her, I simply asked "What's going on?" She immediately began telling me that she had decided last week to keep the baby and this week had changed her mind again. She said her emotions are all over the place. She continued to share about the not so pretty circumstances of her life. I listened. I asked her what she was afraid of, what it was that was pushing her to consider abortion again. She shared more about her circumstances with the baby daddy. I kept reassuring her that when we trust in Christ, we have a foundation, a Rock, that never changes, He never changes. Despite ugly life circumstances, emotions, pregnancy hormones, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. When we build our house on the Rock and the storms come, our house won't fall.

We continued to talk for almost an hour. I took every chance to relate to her and remind her that God's way is perfect. That His Word is perfect. That He never leaves or forsakes His children. I kept reminding her of the benefits of following Jesus and repenting of her sin. At this point, she was still afraid, still unsure that she would be able to handle another child. We discussed adoption. I listened. I prayed.

We went in and did another ultrasound. The baby looked great. The nurse gave her a hug and told her it was good to see her again. We went back to talk some more. At this point, I wasn't sure where she was at. We had pretty much covered everything. That is where out of nowhere she asked "Do you know where I can find a Bible?" My jaw dropped. I answered, "Yes. We have Bibles and we can give you one. We also have Bible studies you can take home and work on."

I noticed a huge change at this point. I asked her "Have you been thinking about all the things we talked about a few weeks ago?" She answered with a smile, "Yes, I have." This is when I asked her if she was ready to follow Jesus, ready to repent of her sin, lay down her life, surrender, and give it to Him. She said "Yes, I want to follow Him."

I was overwhelmed with joy. Before my mind even had a chance to realize what she had said and what was going on, I choked up with tears. I told her "I just want you to know, I have never looked back, and I have never regretted following the Lord. It is the best thing you will ever do. I just want you to know how wonderful it is to be reconciled to your Creator." This was a first for me. I have cried with clients before, but this was the first time I have been in a client room and been the only one crying :) She just looked at me with a smile, I said "I never do this. But I am just so happy for you. Don't ever look back. Go, Follow Jesus wholeheartedly. You will never regret it. I promise." She looked at me with a smile. She confessed today that she believes He had died for her sins, He has risen again, and confessed that He is Lord. She put her trust in Christ today.

Today, in front of my very own eyes, I saw the power of God change this clients heart, open her eyes to His glorious Gospel, and give her the desire and will to follow Him. He answered my prayers today in a way that was more powerful and obvious than I could have ever imagined. He sent His Spirit and He worked so powerfully that we all knew it was Him and not us.

A needy beggar

Recently, with the death of Osama Bin Laden, the Lord has spoken to me of the reality of my own sin. I do think that killing him was just. I think we all have been able to sleep a little more peacefully knowing that he is no longer on the run. But that is not where this ended for me. If you know me well, you know that I am a news junkie. Big time. I love reading The Drudge Report and surfing through all of the current events on the web. And with the raid on OBL's compound last week, I had way too much fun reading the plethora of articles as the story unfolded. But that is when something hit me. I realized that on my own, I deserve the same sentence to death (physical and spiritual) that this man deserved. A scenario played out in my head and it went something like this... Its like the whole world was on the man hunt for me. My name was in the headlines in bold. Everyone saying "We must find this women and punish her. She is the worst of all sinners and she deserves death. She must pay for her sin. We will not rest until we find her." And this is where it hit me. So they find me. They want to kill me. They are so certain that I must pay for my sin. And as they accuse me and sentence me to death, Jesus steps in saying "No, she is mine. I will pay for the penalty of her sin in full. I will die in her place."  

I cannot even tell you how many times this has hit me this past week. Over and over. Tears have come. I do not understand why He did this for me. It blows me away. And it wasn't just my sin He paid for. I am so completely overwhelmed that all I can do is cry and be thankful. I do not deserve life. I have rebelled. I have sinned. But Jesus so humbly came down and became one of us. And lived a perfect life and died a perfect death in my place so that I could be reconciled to my Creator.

So, I am thankful that this week, as I was reading "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" the Lord drove that home in my heart through this scenario.  That on my own I deserve nothing besides hell, that I am poor in spirit, a beggar that desperately needs Him.

I am thankful that He has shown me a glimpse into what He accomplished on the cross. I don't think I will ever be the same.

I want to be blessed.

This week I have been reading through the Sermon on the Mount. My Bible entitles this section as "The Authoritative Message of the Messiah: Kingdom Life for His Disciples." Here Jesus expounds the reality of discipleship lived in the presence and power of the kingdom of God but within the everyday world. These teachings form a challenging but practical ethic that Jesus expects His followers to live by in this present age (taken from the ESV study Bible). Before I even opened up the text to read, I was already beginning to feel conviction from the Holy Spirit. I know that these things are not true of me each day. But that is what I want and I desire more than anything. I want to be blessed in the spiritual sense. I want to soak in Jesus' words here and get as much out of them as possible. So I have decided to spend a few weeks reading through the Sermon on the Mount... meditate on it and soak it in and let it saturate my heart. And this will only happen in the Lord so graciously sends His Spirit to bring it into effect in my heart. I know I cannot do it on my own. But it is my desire and I am earnestly seeking to live completely and fully for Him. So here it goes Matthew 5:1-16.

And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

  

"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

The first word that hit me in Matthew 5:3 was poor. The Greek root is the word ptōchos, meaning reduced to beggary, begging, asking alms; destitute of wealth, influence, position, honour. This hits me...my need, my utter dependence on Jesus and destitution without Him... that should be my boast every single day. He says the one who is poor in spirit is blessed and He goes even further saying "theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Not just blessed in this life, but the life to come. When we realize our need for Jesus and see the Gospel for the good news it is, repent and follow Him, we have an inheritance in Him. My finite mind cannot even begin to grasp the reality of how huge this is.